Outcast

The last few days have amazed me. I am a strange looking, strangely personalitied person. I accept this and feel that even after these peculiarities I am still averagely liked. This week it all turned on its head. Someone gave me something to make me different from everyone else. No it wasn’t Aids that means I would of actually have to have partaken in something fun like sex or drugs and lord knows he has a different plan for me than that.

I got Swine Flu, yes the H1N1 sickness came to South Africa and just as the Dark Continent thought it had finally got something right by missing this one out. Coach of the flu team called up Africa and so we participated.

I tell you it’s been an interesting week. When you tell people you have the virus its almost like admitting guilt. Remember the first time you told a white lie to your parents and they caught you out, in my case I rode the dog like it was my own tiger and nearly broke the poor hounds back, how ashamed you felt well this was it. People didn’t want to speak to me worrying the virus might spread through the phone.

I was accused of passing it on to other people as if I had some sort of power to bestow on some but miss others. For the first time I think I truly, understand why people hide information like this and worse from each other.

Yesterday Peggy my second mother almost brought in a Sangoma to take away the bad spirits that the swine flu brings into the house. For her efforts of speaking with me too long I bestowed on her the curse of Swine flu. Seven days and seven nights you will be alone. Sounds like a fairytale except this happy ending comes at a cost Peggy finds her prince charming who gives Peggy the kiss of life and so sacrifices himself to the same misery until he kisses a cow and dies from mad bowline disease, the cow strangely enough lived by had a bad cough for a month.



People’s ways around unknown things is a strange phenomenon. One only has to look at our shining Athlete Caster Semenya, the women boy, to see this. Semenya like me has been outcasted by the worlds stage for not really knowing what she/he is. There are boobs but there is a beard as well so we question and take two steps back. The only positive besides the gold medal that Semenya has is a new support group from the ever-growing transvestite’s community in South Africa and boy do they have clout.



H1N1 kills less people than actual flu but people still come to work when they have flu, doesn’t that piss you off working in an open plan office and peter no good need a brain and a free coffee comes to work and spreads all his flu germs around the room. Thanks pete you prick. No one stares him down and beats him with a small stick, he could kill you you know.

Back to bed with some nice tea and a great cold. Curse that person who gave me this notorious disease

Yours in Health

Andrew “the Swine” Levy