Nihonjinron

Japan finds itself in a situation of stagnation that can only be turned around by massive economic revitalization. Because of the rapidly decreasing population the only answer to the problem would be immigration. To keep the economy steady at current rates over 300 000 immigrants would be required each year, and to keep it at 1995 levels over 500 000. Is Japan going to open up its borders and allow mass immigration? Not a fuck!

Malema: creating a society free of racism

Julius Malema threw a BBC journalist out of a media conference yesterday, telling him,

`Not to bring his white tendencies here! `

Malema however claims that he is not a racist.

`I was referring to the tendency of the white person to have a pink skin` he said.

He was unfortunately not available to explain what he meant by this comment as in the early hours of the morning he shot his cellphone, mistaking it for what his spokesman described as a `Very small farmer.`

`That whitey badly provoked Julius` his spokesman Panga `One Bullet` Masinga, said in a statement. `He was sitting there with his white face. Can you get more racist than that? `

Julius was so upset by this terrible provocation that he was forced to drink three bottles of Johnny Walker Blue Label. Towards the end of the third bottle Mr. Malema realized that `This Walker person had probably been a whitey and therefore a racist.` explained Masinga, `that was the reason that the whisky had been forcing itself down his throat and making him become drunk! `

He then took his Range Rover and drove it into a nearby wall.

`This is a classic example of Colonial racism` Panga explained. `Both the whisky and the Rover are British things made by racists. What’s more the wall he crashed into was white. For those who still refuse to see the truth, I say this – you will be shot! You bloody racist! `

What plans did Malema have for the near future?

`Mr. Malema is determined to create a society free of racism. As we know all whites are racist. Therefore, the quickest way to create a society free of racism is to get rid of all the white people. `

The AWB in the 'new 20th Century'

Much of South Africa was shocked a few nights ago when the AWB`s secretary general Andre Visagie stormed off the set of Africa 360. In a statement released by the AWB last night their new spokesman Piet van Klapman said,

`This thing have been blown in the wrong direction. On André’s farm the ousie brings him his tea and melktert and never looks him amongst the eyes. Now here she is telling him what are what.`

When it was explained that the woman on Africa 360 was not Visagie`s domestic worker but political analyst Lebohang Pheko, Klapman said,

`But to Visagie she happened to look very similar. He made a mistake.`

Mugabe

A source close to The Blind View who wished to remain anonymous for what he said were ‘obvious reasons’ claims to have had inside access to some of the recent meetings that took place between Mugabe and Malema.

‘Most of the time they were discussing interior design’ he said. ‘Remember that Mugabe has been in the game for a long time and Malema is only just starting out.’

Mugabe who presides over the 193rd largest economy in the world, prides himself on having rid his country of Colonialists. Zimbabwe’s GDP is 1.9 billion dollars per annum while it is rumored that Mugabe has many billions stacked away in offshore bank accounts making him wealthier than everyone else in the country combined.

‘This is the kind of thing they were discussing’ said our source.

‘Mugabe explained that the word colonialism is like 9/11. As long as you keep reminding people about it you can do whatever you want.’

Rands- Julius on Education

It has been confirmed that Julius Malema’s visit to Zimbabwe is part of a ‘Study Tour’. As Zimbabwe is ranked 193 out of 193 countries in terms of GDP (PPP), coming in behind other economic giants like Burundi and Eritrea, and 187 in standard GDP terms, it is the obvious place to begin.

‘Some people think that I cannot learn!’ Malema told a group of reporters. ‘They like to say, ah that Malema boy, he failed Matric, he can’t even count to eleven! But I tell them, I can learn! I will learn from the best, and I will bring it back to South Africa.’

Racism: a concept, a sport, a culture?

Note – I don’t like the reference to people in terms of race, be it ‘the whites’ or ‘the blacks’ or whatever. Where I use these terms I do so as they are commonly used in – particularly South African – society.

A few days ago two students came into the English room office at my school and asked if they could speak to me. This is by no means an unusual request and of course I was obliging. One of the girls then took out her electronic English Japanese dictionary, and said to me ‘We wanted to know what you think about this…’ and pointed to the word ‘Apartheid’.

TBV Guest Writer: Dan Zoku

Dan Zoku aka Mr. Intermittent is a free-lance journalist who, in his own words ‘likes to be right there – right there! – on the front line, in the firing zone!’


His on again off again relationship with actress Sarah Jessica Parker in the late 90s and early 2000s, and the fact that ‘Danzoku’ means intermittent in Japanese earned him his nickname.

Mr. Zoku was born in the small city of East London in South Africa. He originally had ambitions of becoming a pilot, but had his license permanently revoked after crashing his light aircraft into a sheep farm. Subsequent investigations revealed that Zoku had been under the influence of alcohol.

Zoku, said of the accident, ‘I was flying home from a mate’s Christmas party. Yes I was drunk. Yes it was stupid.’

Small Country Politics

Jonas Alsenvice, the leader of the Vatican Separatists (VS) has given Pope Benedict XVI twenty four hours to grant him a private meeting or, he said ‘there will be trouble’.
What trouble exactly, is unclear. The VS has been demanding a private hearing with the Pope for over twenty three years. Pope John Paul II never officially recognized the VS, and Benedict XVI has been equally reluctant to enter into negotiations with the organization. Benedict was recently quoted as saying, ‘They are a bunch of clowns. No one can or should take them seriously!’
But this has not swayed Alsenvice who insists that the VS has a claim to a separate state within the Vatican.
‘We have long held the view that we have the right to self-governance and self-determination. For too long we have lived under the oppressive laws of this patriarchal, racist, homophobic organization!’
When asked who he represented, Alsenvice said ‘We the people!’
The Vatican is a sovereign state – a walled enclave within the city of Rome. 0.44 square kilometers in size and with a population of roughly 800 it is the smallest country on earth in both population and area.
The CIA world factbook lists the VS as having two official members – Jonas Alsenvice and John Daley-Smith, a retired pro-golfer. Daley-Smith, who has tried repeatedly to have his name removed from the list, is described in the factbook as a ‘non-active member’ whose support has been financial only. Daley-Smith has stated, ‘I once gave a donation to the VS under the belief that it was tax-deductible. It was not. I regret the whole thing.’
The VS’s stated goal is to achieve complete independence from the Vatican state, both geographically, and politically. They demand 44 square meters of land, and diplomatic immunity for their citizens when traveling within the Vatican and Italy. Alsenvice has designed a flag and even penned a national anthem. It is believed that the anthem is a rendition of Louis Armstrong’s ‘Wonderful World’.
When asked why he believed the VS had a legitimate claim over the land, he responded, ‘We the people, demand what is ours!’ Should the independent state come into existence it would be a democratic republic with elections held once every four years. Sovereignty would lie with the people. If the state were to come into existence, and (as it is assumed) Daley – Smith were to refuse his offer of citizenship, it would be a one person state. This would mean that the constitution would have to state that ‘Sovereignty lies with the person’.
Jackson Freehandle, a Washington based political analyst believes that this ‘Might create difficulty for Alsenvice. The international community would find it hard to fully recognize a state with a clause like that.’ Another political commentator, who wished to remain anonymous, said, ‘this is just fucking ridiculous.’
Alsenvice has not made the proposed name of the state public, but Freehandle believes that he is toying with the names, ‘Mini-Vat’ and ‘Peter’s Pie Hole.’
By this time tomorrow we hope to have some more clarity on the issue.

Remembering Hiragana

Learning any new language is tough, but learning Japanese is tougher! Before you can even think about memorizing the thousands of Kanji – Chinese characters used for writing – you have to start with Hiragana.

This is a hybridized phonetic alphabet. There are only fifty characters to remember, but they bear no resemblance whatsoever to Roman letters. It can be a boring task, unless of course you do what many beginner students of Japanese do and come up with little stories to help you remember them. Look at their shapes… what do they make you think of? Its helpful, makes the task fun and perhaps even gives some insight into the learner’s character. Below I’ve selected a few examples and the stories that I chose to go along with them…






This is the symbol for ku. It was one of the easiest for me to remember as it looks like a bird with its mouth wide open going ku ku ku!





This is the symbol for ta. Having had a Catholic upbringing and hence having grown up around the symbol of the cross, whenever it appeared in hiragana I couldn’t but help integrate it into the story. In this particular example I looked at the two lines next to the cross, and imagined them as tattoo markings. Hence, Jesus had gotten himself a tattoo. Ta.





This is the symbol for mo. Again the tattoo imagery comes to mind. This time it looks like a prison tattoo… not too dissimilar perhaps from the tattoo Mo Shaik got in prison… (I will not be held liable in the event that Mo Shaik has in fact never been to prison. In my mind, he has! Apologies to any non-South Africans.)





This is the symbol for na. The circular part of the drawing at the lower end of the image next to the cross looks like it could be a shit – it could be many other things – but to me it’s a shit. And the twirly line above it is the smell line rising up. Now, this is where the story took on a personal twist. Back in high school I had a geography teacher who used to say `Na!` instead of `No` `Na! What’s this? Na! Na!` Hence, in my visualization someone has taken a shit next to the cross and my geography teacher has seen it and he’s going, `Na! Na! What’s this? Taking a shit next to the cross? Na! `




Ni. Easy, a ninja swinging nunchuks!



The sound is Ya. The top wave is Hitler’s moustache. The bottom wave is him sticking out his arm to give an effeminate heil. And, of course, Hitler often says `Ya, Ya! `





This represents the sound Yo. Check him out, he’s a cool kid. The horizontal line is his cap and he’s got it pulled down low and he’s saying, `Yo! Wazzup! Yo!`





Se. A violent image came to mind here. It looks like a sword has been driven into a sitting man’s chest! That’s right, someone finally got to settle a score!



Mi. Another violent image. This time the sword has gone into the man’s back. This guy signed up for national duty, he was a patriot. He had a wife and kids. But in the end, the military fucked him over. They stabbed him in the back!




Hi. So who is this guy over here? He’s an effeminate man – possibly but not definitely gay (and slightly plump) – holding out his arms in an effeminate pose going –` Hi guys! How is everyone?


Wo. And now for the final installment. Allow the C shape to morph the wide open mouth of a hungry crocodile. It’s waiting in the river and you’re standing on the bank, and you watch as one of your friends - the other figure in the diagram - goes for a run and takes a jump into the river – not seeing the crocodile’s open mouth – and just before he descends into the beast’s bowls, you shout `Wo! Wo! Wo!`
But alas it is too late. Your friend is dead.

Only Child Syndrome

I am an only child. When I tell this to people, I can expect a stock standard response. Surprise, even shock. The less couth of my fellow citizens will even say, what is, I fear, on many other’s minds: ‘So you must have been spoilt as a kid?’
I grew up with – and have remained aware of – the list of negative personality traits associated with only children. Selfish. Spoilt. Unable to interact with others, or take jokes. Lonely. Isolated. Difficult. Stubborn. Always expecting everything to go their way, and having great difficulty sharing!
The only child grew up without siblings coming into their room and taking their toys. They never had to share their food with anyone, or vie for their parents love and affection. As such they grew up twisted, tormented, unable to integrate themselves into society. Doomed to live as outcasts and social misfits, with bad manners and unpredictable tempers!
So when asked the question ‘Oh, so you must have been spoilt then?’ – and taking it to imply all the other negative perceptions of the only child – I would always answer, ‘No, I don’t think so.’

I have never found myself in constant conflict with others. I am able to take a harsh joke (perhaps this has to do with the fact that I was dealt the double as a kid: an only child and a ginger!) I can see the need for compromise. And sometimes I will even share things with people!
So then, what could possibly explain my condition? Had I cheated the odds? Had my parents somehow managed to sail me clear of this devastating coast? Had the universe preserved me as a counter example? Whatever it was, I was relieved I had been spared a fate so harsh that it had been labeled a syndrome!
As I had always placed myself outside of the norm, I had never given too much consideration to the norm itself, and as such had never seen it for what it quite clearly is: a blatant prejudice. In an age in which we are so sensitized to discrimination and ethnic prejudice it is startling to take note of the variety of other – more subtle prejudices - which are allowed to flourish.
Imagine a civilized gathering. A mutual friend introduces a black man to a white man, and the white man says to the black man, ‘Oh, so does that mean you steal?’ He would – quite rightly – be ostracized for being an ignorant, racist, moron. But, if this same person was introduced to someone who turned out to be an only child and he said, ‘Oh, so does that mean you were spoilt?’ no one would bat an eyelid.
In civilized society we need to be vigilant against racial and ethnic stereotyping because of the untold and unnecessary suffering it has caused the human race. Only children have never been singled out for the kind of treatment that certain races and ethnicities have been subjected to. However, as the human consciousness develops – which I believe it is – we must become aware of these more subtle prejudices which are still considered fair game, and do what we can to address them.




Interestingly, this prejudice against only children has its roots in similar places to those more deadly prejudices mentioned above. That being outdated philosophies, academia, and general thinking. In the not so distant past, it was considered self-evidenced that certain races were superior to others. Anthropologists measured skulls, and drew diagrams explaining the superior workings of certain races brains. Visionary nitwits like Hendrik Verwoerd wrote the pioneering work, ‘Verwoerd aan die Woord’ Verwoerd on the Word in which he gave biblical justification for racial separation and helped lay the frameworks for the apartheid state. Adolf Hitler whilst having a bit of me time in prison wrote the infamous ‘Mein Kampf’ in which he argued for racial eugenics, an idea that ultimately lead to the holocaust.
Another man interested in racial eugenics – the breeding in and out of certain racial qualities – was a psychologist named G. Stanley Hall (1844-1924). Have a read up on only children and his name is bound to emerge. He described the only child’s situation as being ‘a disease in itself’, and believed that the only child possessed most of the undesirable traits listed above. A contemporary of his, Alfred Adler, held similar views. These two men were pioneering psychologists. But they were pioneering for their day, and much of what they believed would today be considered highly inaccurate. Some of this thinking (the idea of racial eugenics for instance) has been subjected to heavy criticism because of the evident damage it has caused society. Other ideas (although equally as outdated – like the thinking on only children) has never been subjected to continuous public scrutiny, and so continues to hang out in the collective mindset.
During this abovementioned time, the era of Victorian hangover, when sparing the rod was thought to spoil the child, human contact between mother and baby and mother and child was believed to be undesirable. A child who received too much attention from their parents, and particularly their mother would grow up to be weak. Later experiments – famously Harlow’s Rhesus monkey experiments – began to pave the way for a different view on child rearing. A child who grew up with the support of their parents would feel more confident to explore the world around them, knowing that they had a safe base to which they could return. One on one parent and child time is today considered essential for childhood development, and children who’s parents afford them this often grow into successful adults.
Modern psychological findings have in fact shown that only children are not uniformly different from their peers. Where there are notable differences – achievement motivation and verbal skills – the only child scores higher than his sibling endowed counterparts. These advantages are quite clearly as a direct result of the extra time and energy that an only child’s parents are able to afford them.



And what if it is not the parental issue, but the actual absence of siblings that is the problem? What aspect would cause deficiency? Human beings are super social species. I cannot remember a day as a child when I did not interact with other members of my species: at school, in sports practices, playing at friends’ houses (I’ve never had any difficulty making friends). As an adult – unless you live somewhere in deliverance country – it is unlikely that you will only be interacting with members of your family. Hence this outside interaction is ample preparation for the adult world. But what of the sibling rivalry, the chance to bully or be bullied? Again, this is another outdated, semi-Neanderthal form of thinking. The idea that a child should suffer any sort of physical pain, and in turn inflict it on others (because the world is like that).
And again, for hardened cynics, the only child will be confronted with enough hardships at school – doubled by the fact that he has no siblings to turn to for support. He will also have to deal with the fact that he is different in this regard (rest assured it will be pointed out on numerous occasions).
So, in the end, what is really lost? I think that all only children grow up acutely aware of some absence. In a sense each only child must overcome a death of someone who never existed. But this loss is theirs alone, and is not a burden that society must or can share. And what is gained? Increased contact with parents. A strong sense of self. The ability to be alone and emotionally self reliant. A well developed imagination. And a deep respect for non familial relationships that are formed.
So, is there any sense in asking an only child if they were spoilt? It probably won’t lead to a holocaust. But, prejudices tend to hang out in packs. Allow one refuge in your mind, and others will soon take residence. Ban one, and ban them all! Amandla!

Ryanair Blues

A flight from London to Stockholm?
Free.
And back again?
Free.
So you're saying I can fly from London to Stockholm, back to London again and pay nothing?
Free.


Ok. I'll take it then please.
That'll be forty eight pounds.
I thought you said it was free.
What are you kidding? You think you can fly from london to Stockholm and back again for nothing. Are you stupid?
OK fine I'll take it anyway.
Forty pounds for a bag. Ten pounds booking fee.
Total: 98 pounds.

Congratulations on booking a flight on Ryanair. Please read the terms and conditions below:

Terms and conditions:
All passengers flying Ryanair must abide by the general rules of civil aviation.
They must also abide by certain other rules laid down by Ryanair and changed from time to time.
Ryanair is an (un)authorized flying insititution.
We do not take responsibility for anything.
There's a reason why we are so cheap.
Fuck you.
You will be penalized for something, we will find a way to penalize you.
Ryanair can shut down at any point without prior notice.
You will not be refunded.
The airport can move without prior notice.
Ryanair does not have toilets.
You can not get a refund.
If you try to get a refund we will fine you for trying.
If you arrive late you will be shot, and your family will be responisble for all costs incurred.
Fuck you.
If you wish to wear shoes you will be charged.
If the pilot is horny he might rape you, and if you press charges you will be shot and charged extra.
The flight leaves at six in the morning, be there four days early for pre-booking.
When we said London to Stockholm we meant 'London' to 'Stockholm' ;)
The airports are in fact unused industrial ports in the remote countryside.
There is only a remote chance of you making it to your destination.
We do not have offices.
If you wish to contact us you can phone our call centre, which operates between 14h00 and 14h30 every alternate Saturday.
Calls are charged at standard Ryanair rates*
Fuck you.

* calls charged at 150 pounds per minute. If you are unable to pay Ryanair reserves the right to conviscate your
moveable and immoveable propery**

** Fuck you!


So I had officially joined the ranks of the millions who have booked flights online for Europe's famous low cost, NO FRILLS
airline! To be fair, they really are very cheap. Ya.

After countless hassles I arrived at the 'London' ;) airport at four am. There were thousands and thousands of people
queuing for flights, and I finally understood what the term Eurotrash meant. I kept trying not to be prejudiced against
these people. But it was difficult. Ryanair follows a sort of kafkaesque policy. They have no offices, the call centres
are inaccessible, and they keep to the outskirsts of major cities, laying low. There's a constant
sense of menace about them. Like the threats in Kafka's stories, it's invisible, hard to pin down. There's simply an
everpresent sense of doom as thousands of humans stand about confused, afraid, angry, as they get stamped,
checked, scanned, waid, sprayed down, packed into trucks and crammed into planes made out of plastic.

Because the airport is the first place anyone has face to face contact with the company, frustration is at an all time high.
There are constant arguments between patrons and employees. The employees all have copies of the 'rules' with them
and make a point of waving them in the patrons' faces. 'No ma'am I'm afraid the captain is allowed to rape you. Look here.'

But anyway, I finally took my seat. I was so crammed that my face was between my legs. Thankfully I'd managed to find
a seat on the isle with a free chair between me and the guy at the window. I hadn't slept in days and my eyes were heavy
and sore and the idea of sleep - even in this position - was amazing!
















But the world had other plans for me. I'd thought I was the last person to board the plane. But I wasn't.
Coming down the isle, was a fat, red faced, puffy Quasimodo.
'Mind if I sit next to you then?' He asked me, with a big stupid smile on his face.
'Umm...' I said.
'Would you mind shifting up then?' He asked.
'I kind of want to sit on the Isle' I said, as I climbed up to let this orge take the seat in the middle.
He smelt as if he'd been kept in a barrel of cider for the night.
I was so disappointed.
'Allo' He said. 'My name's John.'
'Michael' I said, and shook his hand with great sadness in my heart.
'I'm ten hours late for work' he said.
He had this big round face, and large gaps between his teeth that looked as if they'd been filled with boiled egg. His
breath was intoxicating.
'So where you from?'
'South Africa.'
I thought then about Kulula, South Africa's answer to low cost air travel. It seemed like a distant dream. A lovely distant dream.
Their phrase when launching had been 'Now anyone can fly.'
And as I sat next to this stinking monster, I believed the phrase was more appropriate to ryanair: ANYONE can fly. And they do.
I only wished they'd taken the trouble to stick to some of their conditions and shot him on arrival!
Why?!?!
'So Souf Africa hey.' He shrugged again, in this strange way, where he kept raising his eyebrows and his
mouth again and again, and shrugging some more. 'Souf Africa.Where in Souf Africa?'
'Johannesburg'.
I looked away.
'Johannesburg hey. So what you going to Sweden for?'
'Got family there.'
'I'm going for work. I was meant to be fere yesterday, missed my flight. So I'm ten hours. No two days and
ten hours late for work.'
I'm sure they're missing you, I wanted to say. But instead I closed my eyes mid conversation (or rather mid monologue).
'I guess you want to be left alone then' he said.
'Ummm' I mumbled.
'Oright, I'll leave you alone then. I can see you want your peace.'
I closed my eyes, and for a few moments, drifted peacefully through blackness, floating gently. All the difficulties
of the world seemed far away, and even though I was being forced to rub the top of my head against my groin due to the
standard Ryanair flight conditions, I was comfortable.
'So Johannesburg' he said.
Oh Jesus Christ!!!

As we flew, I continued to ignore him and he continued to try and talk to me. Often interjecting
his already stupid monologue with 'How long we been flying for? Feels like we been flying for hours!'
I began to realize that he suffered from some or other condition. In days gone by he would have been called 'the village idiot'. But today
some more PC term would need to be applied. Special. Very.
But I didn't care how special he was. I wanted him dead. I started thinking about the different ways in which
I would like to kill him. I settled on the idea of a gardening fork. The small, hand held type. I imagined lunging
it into his chest, and watching him buckle over. I wanted to slice his throat and use the little cup I'd been given
with my water, bought at standard Ryanair rates*** to catch the blood, so I could drink it as a potion to give
me energy to rape the pilot.
NO!!! These were dark thoughts. But it was not my fault. It was Ryanair! If you fly aboard an airline that endorces
rape and murder as policy, how can you be blamed for thinking like this!


It was hot, and I was in pain.
'Feel like we've been flying forever. How long we been flying for?'
Everytime one of the flight attendants came past they bumped my knees which were
now sticking out into the walkway to prevent them from going gangrenous. The village idiot bubbled on, his breath
was making me ill.
'How long we been flying for?'

Finally we landed. I ran through customs, and fetched my bag. I ran onto the bus. I found a seat next to someone
who didn't want to talk.

As we started the thirty nine hour drive from 'Stockholm' ;) to the city centre, I heard that familiar 'oright mate' drunken
voice that had tormented me on board the flight. He had found a Swedish woman to harrass. I turned around. She wasn't
even sitting next to him, but a row in front. He was shouting at her, asking her all sorts of questions. Being a polite
Swede, she answered them. But soon said, in her polite Swedish voice: 'I'm going to sleep now, and you should too.'
He objected, but soon, I think, he must have. And I - I think - must have too.

*** Fuck you!

Mike Rands