Mugabe

A source close to The Blind View who wished to remain anonymous for what he said were ‘obvious reasons’ claims to have had inside access to some of the recent meetings that took place between Mugabe and Malema.

‘Most of the time they were discussing interior design’ he said. ‘Remember that Mugabe has been in the game for a long time and Malema is only just starting out.’

Mugabe who presides over the 193rd largest economy in the world, prides himself on having rid his country of Colonialists. Zimbabwe’s GDP is 1.9 billion dollars per annum while it is rumored that Mugabe has many billions stacked away in offshore bank accounts making him wealthier than everyone else in the country combined.

‘This is the kind of thing they were discussing’ said our source.

‘Mugabe explained that the word colonialism is like 9/11. As long as you keep reminding people about it you can do whatever you want.’

Malema who owns two multi-million rand apartments was evidently impressed by the old man’s stories.

‘I now know what I can achieve’ he said. ‘I just have to work hard and keep my head up high. I particularly liked his collection of pinstriped suits, and am considering growing one of those cool moustaches that he has.’

Mugabe apparently scolded Malema over his weight.

‘Look at me’ he said. ‘I am an old man, but I am thin. You are young, but you are fat. Do you not go for runs?’

Malema apparently apologized to Mugabe for his overweight appearance and promised that he would take better care of himself in the future.

After they were finished discussing interior designs, Mugabe showed Malema his fleet of automobiles and asked him if he’d like to take one for a spin. Malema was apparently very excited about the opportunity, and felt badly let down when he learnt that there were no roads beyond Mugabe’s gate. ‘It is disappointing, yes’ Malema said.

The two men then watched Batman together on Mugabe’s private movie screen. After this Mugabe unveiled his plans to launch a computer game called, ‘Control and Confuse’ in which you play the part of a leader who has to try and steal everything from his people while at the same time taking control of the media and convincing the people that he is on their side.

‘This game is very cool’ said Malema. ‘I want to build myself a big cinema in my house, and mine will have a Jacuzzi too! Then I will play this game every night with my friends. This is why I came to learn from the best!’