Sensational racism

Over the last week, The Blind View (TBV) has published several satirical articles on Julius Malema, Robert Mugabe, and Eugene Terre'blanche. There was a strong response from readers and contributors.

Mike's article, Julius on Education, caused a real stir, including a death threat:
"It is unfortunate that South Africa still has such racist bigot pale skinned moffies... people should kill all the Blind View writers for being racist... One settler!!! One bullet!!!"

Luckily that threat proved to be as real as the AWB's speedily retracted call for 'revenge'.

Malema: creating a society free of racism

Julius Malema threw a BBC journalist out of a media conference yesterday, telling him,

`Not to bring his white tendencies here! `

Malema however claims that he is not a racist.

`I was referring to the tendency of the white person to have a pink skin` he said.

He was unfortunately not available to explain what he meant by this comment as in the early hours of the morning he shot his cellphone, mistaking it for what his spokesman described as a `Very small farmer.`

`That whitey badly provoked Julius` his spokesman Panga `One Bullet` Masinga, said in a statement. `He was sitting there with his white face. Can you get more racist than that? `

Julius was so upset by this terrible provocation that he was forced to drink three bottles of Johnny Walker Blue Label. Towards the end of the third bottle Mr. Malema realized that `This Walker person had probably been a whitey and therefore a racist.` explained Masinga, `that was the reason that the whisky had been forcing itself down his throat and making him become drunk! `

He then took his Range Rover and drove it into a nearby wall.

`This is a classic example of Colonial racism` Panga explained. `Both the whisky and the Rover are British things made by racists. What’s more the wall he crashed into was white. For those who still refuse to see the truth, I say this – you will be shot! You bloody racist! `

What plans did Malema have for the near future?

`Mr. Malema is determined to create a society free of racism. As we know all whites are racist. Therefore, the quickest way to create a society free of racism is to get rid of all the white people. `

Mugabe

A source close to The Blind View who wished to remain anonymous for what he said were ‘obvious reasons’ claims to have had inside access to some of the recent meetings that took place between Mugabe and Malema.

‘Most of the time they were discussing interior design’ he said. ‘Remember that Mugabe has been in the game for a long time and Malema is only just starting out.’

Mugabe who presides over the 193rd largest economy in the world, prides himself on having rid his country of Colonialists. Zimbabwe’s GDP is 1.9 billion dollars per annum while it is rumored that Mugabe has many billions stacked away in offshore bank accounts making him wealthier than everyone else in the country combined.

‘This is the kind of thing they were discussing’ said our source.

‘Mugabe explained that the word colonialism is like 9/11. As long as you keep reminding people about it you can do whatever you want.’

Machete Race Wars

Over a crackling, 9V radio, in deepest, darkest Limpopo:

Why do we hate the whites...?...They are cockroaches.

Mzanzi is African...We are the majority.

Whites are the minority.

Blacks must kill all the Whites...

Stay alert – watch your neighbours!

Rands- Julius on Education

It has been confirmed that Julius Malema’s visit to Zimbabwe is part of a ‘Study Tour’. As Zimbabwe is ranked 193 out of 193 countries in terms of GDP (PPP), coming in behind other economic giants like Burundi and Eritrea, and 187 in standard GDP terms, it is the obvious place to begin.

‘Some people think that I cannot learn!’ Malema told a group of reporters. ‘They like to say, ah that Malema boy, he failed Matric, he can’t even count to eleven! But I tell them, I can learn! I will learn from the best, and I will bring it back to South Africa.’