Small Country Politics

Jonas Alsenvice, the leader of the Vatican Separatists (VS) has given Pope Benedict XVI twenty four hours to grant him a private meeting or, he said ‘there will be trouble’.
What trouble exactly, is unclear. The VS has been demanding a private hearing with the Pope for over twenty three years. Pope John Paul II never officially recognized the VS, and Benedict XVI has been equally reluctant to enter into negotiations with the organization. Benedict was recently quoted as saying, ‘They are a bunch of clowns. No one can or should take them seriously!’
But this has not swayed Alsenvice who insists that the VS has a claim to a separate state within the Vatican.
‘We have long held the view that we have the right to self-governance and self-determination. For too long we have lived under the oppressive laws of this patriarchal, racist, homophobic organization!’
When asked who he represented, Alsenvice said ‘We the people!’
The Vatican is a sovereign state – a walled enclave within the city of Rome. 0.44 square kilometers in size and with a population of roughly 800 it is the smallest country on earth in both population and area.
The CIA world factbook lists the VS as having two official members – Jonas Alsenvice and John Daley-Smith, a retired pro-golfer. Daley-Smith, who has tried repeatedly to have his name removed from the list, is described in the factbook as a ‘non-active member’ whose support has been financial only. Daley-Smith has stated, ‘I once gave a donation to the VS under the belief that it was tax-deductible. It was not. I regret the whole thing.’
The VS’s stated goal is to achieve complete independence from the Vatican state, both geographically, and politically. They demand 44 square meters of land, and diplomatic immunity for their citizens when traveling within the Vatican and Italy. Alsenvice has designed a flag and even penned a national anthem. It is believed that the anthem is a rendition of Louis Armstrong’s ‘Wonderful World’.
When asked why he believed the VS had a legitimate claim over the land, he responded, ‘We the people, demand what is ours!’ Should the independent state come into existence it would be a democratic republic with elections held once every four years. Sovereignty would lie with the people. If the state were to come into existence, and (as it is assumed) Daley – Smith were to refuse his offer of citizenship, it would be a one person state. This would mean that the constitution would have to state that ‘Sovereignty lies with the person’.
Jackson Freehandle, a Washington based political analyst believes that this ‘Might create difficulty for Alsenvice. The international community would find it hard to fully recognize a state with a clause like that.’ Another political commentator, who wished to remain anonymous, said, ‘this is just fucking ridiculous.’
Alsenvice has not made the proposed name of the state public, but Freehandle believes that he is toying with the names, ‘Mini-Vat’ and ‘Peter’s Pie Hole.’
By this time tomorrow we hope to have some more clarity on the issue.